Some Days You Gotta Dance...

       First and foremost, our "mummy group" is the best there is. We laughed together last night because we used to call it "Baby Group" and then as we started to get together with 2nd babies, somehow it changed to "mummy group." We agreed that this was most likely because we realized, heck with the babies, it was us mommas that needed the group! Sure they develop together learning the hardships of sharing and being gentle, but we also realized that that precious time should be spent ENJOYING a hot coffee, mowing down on muffins in good company. Coming together in a rather random and sporadic way through mixed and mutual friends, we have been together for both 1st and 2nd babies. There isn't a day that goes by that I'm not grateful for this wonderful group of moms.

Apparent last night as we gathered for S's 30th birthday, we all love each other's company so much and seem to share a bond that doesn't just happen overnight.

      As we sat on the couches, free of our children, with drinks and food we didn't have to prepare or clean up, for the first time in too long ... we still spoke of our children! Gone are the days of "one-upping" each other in a competitive way, like who loves their job more, or who just bought the latest expensive high heels online or where we got our purse with matching wallet (now just a glorified diaper bag/suitcase full of tricks). Instead we sit and "one-up" each other in the way of life's chaotic disasters, starring none other than our children. One of us speaks of the time our child wasn't feeling well, puked all over a retail store while waiting in line, then another offers up the story of how their already potty trained toddler has reverted to crapping in their pants and becomes possessed at night at the strike of bedtime! Another speaks of the time her husband called out gagging with disgust without a clue in the world of what to do when one of their babies had diarrhea in the tub. We spoke of the soother fairy, Santa and the stupid elf on a shelf concept that my husband and I sucked at... badly. We traded tricks and fibs that we tell our children to get them to "eat just 3 more bites" or how to avoid the "can you get daddy to lay with me..." "can you get mummy to lay with me again?" "I didn't get to hug Daddy," "I need a glass of water," "One more story!" or the ever emergency phrase... "I have to poop!" But the best part of it all is we get to confirm with one another, and to ourselves, that our crazy chaotic toddler driven lives, are normal. That those times we've sat on the toilet with the lid down behind a closed locked door, pretending to go to the bathroom, but really were catching up on the latest articles or just plain playing candy crush, we weren't alone. The funniest stories come with the brutally honest sharing of our greatest #parentfail moments. Like the time I let B pee in the sink at a store because the toilet had been destroyed by a very uncoordinated man (I am not being sexist... given the pattern of inaccuracy, it had to be a man... or a dog). I'll never forget her looking up at me with such a confused look on her face! It was that or the garbage can, as a toddler that has to pee is like a little ticking time bomb... there was no other option in sight. (Don't worry all... I ran water AND cleaned the sink after... AND i followed up with a lengthy discussion of why it's not something we do.)

We laugh, we cry, but we're in it together.

     I think back to the days of university being in the exact same bar, and just how different my world was. Then, there wasn't a worry in the world, other than making it to class (or appointing the most sober group member to go sign in and take notes for all). I didn't check my phone 10x an hour to see if there was an emergency post about my kids (who were in happy sweet slumber). I never had a thought in the back of my mind that "if i have 1 more drink, I'm not sure I can parent tomorow," in fact, back then, the worry was more whether or not there'd be a line to get a poutine or pita at the ungodly hour of 4am when the whole young adult world was booming. Last night, it was as if we high fived each other that we made it to closing time at the bar, awake and rarin' to go ... home to bed, drinking obscene amounts of water and taking a nearly lethal does of Tylenol in hopes that we'd be sober, rested and unintoxicated at daybreak. Oh how my world has changed. As my head hit the pillow, I was happy. Thankful for all that I have, for time spent with wonderful positive and hilarious people that help me take things in stride. I lay there missing seeing my tossing and turning toddler on the video monitor or standing next to D's crib watching her hugging her bear, snuggled up sleeping.

I wake up... with the initial thought of "what time is it?" then a slow "ughhh, I need coffeee,,," and then the refreshing excitement that even though I feel like a bag of poop, regret those delicious birthday shots and am reminiscing about my attempt to line dance in public (some days you gotta dance)... I wanna go get my kids! I miss them! They are my world. The house is far to quiet without them. 10 years ago, I'd move from my bed to the couch and watch a marathon of movies. My biggest responsibility would be to not fall asleep while the KD was boiling on the stove. Do I miss those days?... sure... do I want them back? Maybe (but only to really soak it in more!), would I trade the path those days have lead me to today? Not a chance.

2015 is a year of positivity (how is that not a word?... positivism just sounds improper), good company and basking in this life that really is great!
I have come to realize that you only have so much energy to give in a day. Like a battery.. if you give it to the wrong people, then the right ones get a drained version of you. You have to cut those energy wasters out. I give too much time and energy to those who don't help me recharge.
I guess this is what it is to start to understand yourself. I no longer refer to it as aging, rather maturing and growing up.