I just got back from a Naturopath appointment. Along with other "Alternative method" things I've done in the past (hypnosis for smoking, placental encasulation with D etc), I had my reservations about today but was overall really excited to see what could come of it.
My consultation was 2.5 hours long and he dove as far back as my childhood in painting a picture of who I am and what the problem may be stemming from. Having still not heard back from my doctor about the next step in bloodwork, I had to take things into my own hands and decided on this route. Now in hand I have Vitamin B6 and a remedy to take daily. What I liked about today is how sincerely invested this man was in helping me with what has become and ongoing problem with what he believes to stem from hormones (related to my cyst and the ever so lovely birthcontrol "disruption of evilness".)
What came out of the appointment though was something surprising; a true sense of admiration for my husband (random, right!?). Sitting back and talking out loud about my life and how it's progressed to now, one thing stood out and that was that M is my whole world, my "rock" per se. The naturopath had me speak of what drew me to him in the first place, why I stayed interested and what brought us to marriage and later children. Upon taking off all layers of my personality and past, he came across a lot of "weaknesses" or "frustrations" that ultimately are balanced by M's love for me. Where I crumble, M is there to pick me up and help me put myself back together, continue on, and make no more mention of it again.
My husband is someone I speak harshly to all too frequently. Hard on him for a lot of things, I hold unrealistic (sometimes) expectations that he struggles to meet. But I neglect to see him "Struggling" to meet them and rarely appreciate him for trying.
Ultimately the consultation bordered scientific psychology but served as a sort of sounding board therapy session diving into the inner workings of my psyche. I LOVED IT! And because it wasn't meant to be therapy... he didn't poke too deep around the soft areas of elementary and highschool social inadequacies/eating disorders/breakups etc... and didn't manage to make any tears flow. The only tears that nearly flowed were the parts where I spoke of my love for M. What drew me to him and then later taking about my kids.
The lesson learned here is that I pour so much effort into raising my kids, that I'm not really nourishing our marriage at the same time. I love him more than life itself and tell him often that I don't know what I would do without him... but true caring and a positive tone are something I often lack with him. I dwell on his inadequacies and fail to realize that he really is the best thing that has ever happened (aside from our 2 lovely girls). He understands me on a level I need to appreciate more often as I am a difficult person to understand/withstand! I need to focus more on why he is good for me and just how lucky I am to have him.
So.... although he may not do up Blair's carseat buckle to my liking, know how to work their humidifiers, or empty the diaper genie when I need it to be emptied.... he does provide a pretty amazing life for us and works very hard daily to do so. I may be a stay at home mom, working just over part-time and balancing the kids... but without him, it would all be so much more of a struggle. We are a team. I need to treat him more like a team mate and not an opponent.
I'm Continuing to learn about myself... now on a journey to health and happiness. I'm hard to love... so I need to be thankful of the person who does love me as much as I think he does :-)