I receive the odd private message from people in response to facebook, instagram or blog posts that praise me for my positivity. Today, I am coming clean. Turning myself in so to speak.
If there's one thing I do well, it's present myself as an optimist on the outside. What you (most) don't know is I am the definition of pessimist on the inside. In fact "poopy pants" and "Debbie downer" are nicknames my husband whips out once in a while. My coping mechanism is to make it seem alright, and to mask that with humour. It is something I am totally aware of and struggle with daily. Why can't I live my own mantra?
I struggle with daily frustrations and road blocks just like the rest of us, but choose to attempt to be the positive for someone (just not myself) with my uplifting and positive posts. If I lift a few people up... I'm doing what I intended. Lately I've been reading too many articles and news stories about mental illness and/or suicide. I truly believe if you surround yourself with people who post and preach those positive encouraging words, it will help at least bring a little light to a dark day. I have my entourage of people, I myself follow, for those uplifting messages.. and have done my best to remove anyone who poops on that parade of people. I also live with the very most positive person I have ever met, my husband. He keeps me grounded (I don't know how) and reminds me not to sweat the small stuff ... or big stuff on a daily basis. Without him.... well... I'd be
I'm a mom of 2 beautiful girls coming off maternity leave pennies. Yes I am grateful for the goverments grace of 1 whole year of "paid" maternity leave and the ability to raise my babies myself for that long... however... when all is said and done I COMMEND those who are able to do it without a significant and supportive other. People preach that money doesn't equal happiness.... but in my world, it equals emotional stability! The shift between the end of mat leave and the beginning of working life is like missing a bus on a deserted route. You've gotta sit at a standstill and wait forever for the next bus... or in this case the paycheque. In the meantime, you're left to call on that supportive significant other to help fill in the gap. This has proven to be "delightful" (see the attempt at optimism there!). Having to explain why I need name brand peanut butter, another sippy cup (I have a slight obsession) or why I paid an outrageous $1.79 PER avocado is exhausting! (in my defense it was because I needed them right away and the organic $$$ ones were ripe!... I got bonus PC points at least, but explaining that concept is not even worth it) I have had to space out the "diaper/wipe run" with the "grocery run" and then the "what I forgot run" to alleviate the total bill (avoid that "WHAT? You spent how much? ON WHAT? Where IS IT ALL?")... and yet having to go all those times and still even spend money is foreign and debate provoking enough that we have started to secretely survive on "the cupboard."
* "The Cupboard" - you know that pantry that is full of "on sale" soup, crackers, granola bars, canned vegetables and fruit, beans .... you can't have enough beans... and any other non-perishable stagnant processed and in my words "dead foods". It pains me to have to ever eat too much from this cupboard in the event that the zombie apocalypse or a Y2K repeat (real this time) were to happen. For some reason I see soup (and other sales) and panic thinking this may be the last time we as humans are ever able to buy this stuff LOL so I better stock up! Yep... if you see the lady with a grocery checkout belt with 50 cans of soup on it, accompanied by coupons and disputing that some of the dented ones should be cheaper... that could be me!
This being said I have also come to realize the sacrafices you make as a parent for your children. I just recently treated myself (who am I kidding... bribed, pleaded and practically stole "our" money) to a hair cut and colour. It had been months and the struggle to find the time was real. But man... it's amazing what a new pair of socks and a fresh hair cut can do for the confidence! LOL (the socks were on sale hahahah!!!). My wardrobe is screaming "help me" as we speak from the sad looking black, black, grey, black, grey, navy blue, black, black ... weight conscious, "fluff" hiding, muffin top concealing closet of mine. And yet my children are dressed to the nines, have a shoe/boot and sandal for every degree of temperature a day could be. That is where I find happiness. Providing for my girls. I said to my husband yesterday morning that on this bridge to a paycheque, I've even run out of my expensive facial cleanser and am slowly joining the "reborn acne proned teenager" zone, along with having to use dollar store hair spray for those days I don't have to be out in public hahahah! And yet, I continue to make these sacrafices to be able to afford "princess edition" goldfish, cheese strings and an $80 "all the rage" lunch box so B can be ready for kindergarten in style.
Mom's, we should be paid for being moms! It's a tough job... and yet doing it for free is just as enjoyable :-) Oh poor pitiful me, right?... Wrong. I am truly blessed, and would go without a hair cut and colour for as long as my husband would let me LOL The sacrifices I make for my girls are out of love. But the one thing I wish someone would have told me (and people actually did, and I ignored)... don't spend so much money on a fancy crib, carseat accessories and pointless non functional baby shoes... there are better things in life to be spending money on.... like adorable floral spring jeans and $80 lunch boxes for kindergarten... hahahha!
The things we do for our kids :-)